Baldly Forward

There have been a couple times in in my life when I’ve needed to “come out of the closet.” The first time was in my twenties when I came out as gay in the South to an extremely religious and socially conservative family— and then again in 2020 when I decided to post a photograph of myself bald online. Both coming out experiences required me to dig deep for strength before making the revelation, and both have been opportunities for me to grow spiritually and emotionally.

What These Two Experiences Have in Common

When I came out as gay nearly 25 years ago, I was not greeted with the kind of support I might receive now. Coming out required me to care more about my own well-being than what other people thought of me. That’s where I am now as I move baldly forward.

Back then (and even now), people had a sure idea about what a lesbian was like and did not think I fit the stereotype. Because of this, I found myself coming out over and over again.

People said things like, “I bet a girl like you has a boyfriend,” or “Are you bringing your husband to the party?” Oh and I like this one. When asked one time if I have a boyfriend, my “No” was met with a “Why?” My response was, “Because I have a girlfriend.”

It wasn’t until much later that someone finally assumed I was gay. When I asked her why, she said, “Because you have a stance and wear a lot of plaid.” Well, let’s face it. She was right!

Stance or not, I knew after coming out that I was never going to hide again. Does it mean that I felt completely okay in every situation? Absolutely not. But I had respect for myself and would not live in shame any longer. I felt I owed it to myself and to others to come out and STAY out— and I did.

Now Picture Me in the Closet Surrounded By Wigs and Those Scary Looking Heads

Being bald requires me to come out over and over again as well. Anytime I go to dinner or the store without a wig or a hat, I’m exposing something about myself that makes me feel more vulnerable than anything else about me.

This is where I struggle the most. Some days I don’t have the energy to be stared at or have children point and comment loudly. Then at times I feel bold and less worried about the spotlight glaring off my bald head.

And just like I feel a responsibility to publicly accept myself as queer, I feel the same about being comfortable with my baldness. I know that holding myself to such a standard is a lot to ask of myself and not always sustainable. But I’m trying my best to be free, and I do hope that any freedom I achieve will help loosen the chains for others.

Questioning My Thoughts

Back in 2020 when I first posted a photo of myself bald, I decided I’d only wear wigs for fun… like accessories to achieve a certain look. I’ve tried to stick to that, but lately I’ve been covering up more. I came out bald during a pandemic. And while I attended work meetings and family gatherings bald, I was rarely out in public spaces.

Now I find myself grappling with intrusive thoughts and the question “Wig or no wig?” more often than I would like. A few of those intrusive thoughts are:

• I should be further along in my process of acceptance.
• That person with alopecia doesn’t wear a wig. What’s wrong with me?
• I know the outside isn’t what’s most important. Why am I stuck?

The fact is that being out as a bald woman online and in theory is different than being out in the real world. I’m having to recalibrate now. I’m not starting from scratch, but right now I have another day and another opportunity to get this right.

Stop Wiggin’ Out

I will get to a point where I question my intrusive thoughts more often and then free myself from them completely. I’m sure of it.

This body is temporary, and my human experience is part of my soul’s journey. I recently heard someone mention that aligning our personality with the condition of our soul is what this human experience is about. I believe coming out as other is part of my conditioning— and writing about this today is good for my soul. I hope it speaks to yours.

Here’s to being proud of your unique experiences and to everything that makes you the beautiful being you are!

Also, in honor of Pride Month, how about NO MORE CLOSETS for anyone— for any reason?