Baldly Forward

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. Good to spend some time looking ahead today. I’m sitting at my desk, gazing out the window at around 10-11 inches of snow. This is unusual for Kentucky, so it’s magical and very peaceful. 

Being isolated in a peaceful place because of the weather is nice after what felt like a holiday season that went on forever. Don’t get me wrong. There was a lot to love about time with my partner and my family on Christmas Eve and other celebrations with friends along the way, but it was also one of the most emotionally and physically exhausting stretches of time for me. My nervous system took a beating, and I feel changed by it. This is a good change. Let me explain.

You Can’t Make Others Happy

I’ve never been good at saying, “No.” Throughout my life I have struggled with setting boundaries that allow me to rest and feel cared for and safe. I’m much better than I used to be, but I tend to change my personal choices and ignore my own needs when I experience any resistance to my boundaries or think that changing my mind will make others happy. I know better now, because I’ve learned that you can’t “make” people happy. Just the word, “make” itself is ridiculous. People are either happy or they’re not — and I have nothing to do with it. What I can do is to take care of myself, show love, kindness, and respect to those around me, and expect the same in return.

Does Stress Need to Exist?

I allowed an avalanche of stress to occur during some of the holiday season, and it led to a growing and unmanageable frustration and even anger. I became sick and had a terrible physical reaction to the experience.

The author Byron Katie says that stress is caused by believing our own thoughts. She writes, “the only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is.” This feels true to me on the heels of this experience. Believing the following is why I got to such a stressful point:

• I’m a bad person if I ask for what I need or want.
• I am responsible for making sure the joys and dreams of others are realized.
• It’s okay if the holidays don’t reflect my wishes. Just deal with it and be grateful.
• It’s more important that I do everything in my power to make others happy. That’s the spirit of Christmas. (Bah humbug to that one)
• I can’t say anything about how I’m feeling. I have to suck it up and get to the next day. It’s almost over.
• My personal desires are a burden.

What’s True?

I ask myself: are any of these thoughts true? That’s easy to answer: NO. I know they aren’t true! It doesn’t require another second of contemplation. So why do I continue to be the host to such stress-inducing thoughts? I’m going to live with that question a while and get back to you on that one.

If you are believing thoughts that cause you stress and sadness, I invite you to question those thoughts along with me. What I know in the depths of my heart is that we are meant to live in peace, and I’m going to make a strong effort to question limiting thoughts and stop believing them. This is not a resolution for 2025 but a revolution against a way of being that just doesn’t work. Join me?